Open Letter From a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother (and Vice Versa)

This letter is simply a good job of portraying the choices that women make and the consequences we deal with.  Often, we don't feel truly free to pick and even when we do, there are still significant issues resulting from 'the choice' that we are not wholly comfortable with. I also hope that my former President and current president will learn how to write an open letter from this one. Enjoy your read......Mary Ikoku

Dear Stay-At-Home Mum
Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I'm a mum and for a while I did it too.
I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn't even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.
I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don't get any down time when you're on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.
I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle - you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.
I know you fantasize about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it's all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears.
I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the "latte set." They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim "TGIF!" because to you every day is the same - there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work - you simply work an unpaid job at home.
SAHM, I don't know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children's lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children's lives even if it isn't always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward - no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.
I just wanted you to know that I understand. We're both mothers. And I know.
Love from the trenches
Working Mum


Dear Working Mum
I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don't love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it's best for children to be at home with their mothers.
How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.
I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You're my child's allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You're the physiotherapist who treated my husband's back. You're the accountant who does our tax returns. My son's primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter's gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn't been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother's place had to be in the home?
I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your "second shift" begins. The nay-sayers don't understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.
I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can't bring yourself to take a "day off" for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your "time off" for now. I know that when you are at work you don't waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don't go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.
I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.
I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.
I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we're both mothers.
Love from the trenches
Stay-At-Home Mum
This post originally appeared on The Healthy Doctor blog

JUSTICE ATLAST! TITI AROWOLO'S MURDERER AND HUSBAND SENTENCED TO DEATH BY HANGING

Friday, 21st of February 2014 was a remarkable day for us at Working Moms Nigeria. Why? For the simple reason that Titi's killer got a deserved judgement. Not only that, It marked the day, we witnessed  a fair judgement in a country where people get away with murder on a daily basis. We started this  walk with hard Working Mother of one, Late Titi Arowolo since June 24, 2011 on her birthday and also the day the man that professed undying love to her, her husband took her life in a cold blood murder.
In the beginning part of her case, we felt it was going to be business as usual, this ignited the  series of protest particularly amongst women activist, the media and celebrities. Popular amongst them were Kate Halim of Sun Newspaper, Stella Damascus,  Ify Onyegbule, Project Alert CEO, Mary Ikoku and many others. Working Moms joined in the call for justice for Titi's killer and today history has been made. Below is the chronicle of the case from inception till date

Mr. Arowolo was sentenced to death on Friday.
Justice Lateefat Okunnu of an Ikeja High Court on Friday, February 21, sentenced Akolade Arowolo to death over the murder of his wife, Titilayo.
Mr. Arowolo was charged to court for allegedly stabbing his wife, a banker, to death on June 24, 2011 at their residence at No. 8, Akindeinde St., Isolo, Lagos.
Below is a timeline of court proceedings during the trial of the 32-year-old convict.

July 7, 2011: Akolade Arowolo is arraigned before a Yaba Magistrates’ Court for the alleged murder of his wife, Titilayo, on June 24, 2011. His plea is not taken and the case is adjourned pending the advice of the Lagos State Directorate of Public Prosecutions, DPP.
December 21, 2011: The case is transferred to the Ikeja High Court and the accused is arraigned before Justice Lateefat Okunnu. He pleads not guilty to the one-count charge of murder preferred against him. The court remands him at Ikoyi Prison, Lagos. The case is adjourned till January 17, 2013 for trial.

January17, 2012: Mr. Arowolo is brought to court but the trial is stalled due to the absence of the prosecution’s first witness, George Oyakhire. The Director of Public Prosecution, Olabisi Ogungbesan, says that Mr. Oyakhire, who is the father of the deceased, is not available. She tells the court that the witness is in Kano and could not arrive in Lagos on time due to the nationwide protest against the removal of petroleum subsidy. The matter is adjourned till February 7, 2012.

February 7, 2012: The trial begins with the deceased father and sister testifying against Mr. Arowolo. Mr. Oyakhire and his daughter, Ijeh, testify that the Arowolos’ marriage was characterised by violence and abuse. The couple’s co-tenant, Adewale Adeyemi, also testifies that he heard a loud noise when he was in his apartment. He claims he saw Mr. Arowolo rushing out with a deep cut in his palms after the incident. The court adjourns the trial till February 20, 2012.

February 20, 2012: The prosecution tenders evidence relating to the murder; it is admitted into the court as exhibits. They include a kitchen knife, which was allegedly used in the murder of the deceased, four mobile phones and 29 crime-scene photographs taken by the police. The prosecution calls two more witnesses to give evidence in the matter. The fourth witness, Saidu Husseni, a security man at the residence of the Arowolos, admits that he was at the house on the day of the incident. Speaking in Hausa language, Mr. Husseni alleges that he saw Mr. Arowolo washing blood from his hands, while the suspect urged him to hurriedly open the gate. The fifth witness, Titus Ogbonna, from the Homicide Section, State CID, Yaba, Lagos tells the court how a N100 note, stained with blood, was recovered from Mr. Arowolo’s vehicle. The court adjourns till March 20, 2012

March 20, 2012: Mr. Ogbonna continues his testimony. He claims that investigations by the police led to a convincing conclusion that Titilayo was murdered by her husband. Titilayo’s step-mother, Adetoun Oyakhire, also testifies alleging that the deceased was planning to divorce her husband before she was killed. Mrs. Oyakhire says Mr. Arowolo has a violent history with the deceased. The court also admits as exhibits, a blood soaked pair of jeans short, a blood soaked bed sheet and pillow case, hammer, kitchen knife, frying spoon and a spatula. The blood-soaked N100 note allegedly recovered from the floor of Mr. Arowolo’s Honda Accord car, after his arrest by the police is also admitted. The court adjourns till March 27, 2012.

March 27, 2012: The deceased stepmother, Mrs. Oyakhire, is cross-examined by Mr. Arowolo’s counsel, Olarenwaju Ajanaku. Mrs. Oyakhire insists that she had a very cordial relationship with the deceased and had counselled her to be a good wife and to always put her marital problems before God. Another prosecution witness, Solomon Ailoyen, tells the court how they found Mr. Arowolo’s car at Aswani, Lagos on the day of the incident. The court adjourns till April 24, 2012.
April 24, 2012: The trial is stalled due to the absence of the prosecution witnesses. The DPP apologises to the court for their absence. The trial is adjourned till April 25, 2012.

April 25, 2012: Another of the deceased sister, Folake Oyahire, tells the court how she discovered the lifeless body of her sister after the murder. The couple’s landlord, Julius Akinloye, also testifies that another tenant told him that he saw Mr. Arowolo jumping from the balcony of his apartment on the day of the incident. The court adjourns trial till May 2, 2012.

May 2, 2012: The 10th prosecution witness, Gift Nyeche, a police forensic photographer with the State CID, Panti, Yaba is called to testify. Mr. Nyeche tells the court how he took some photographs of Mr. Arowolo’s car at the crime scene during the investigation on June 28, 2011. Attempts to tender the photographs as exhibits is rejected by the court as they are not accompanied with negatives in line with Section 86(4) of the Evidence Act, 2011. The matter is adjourned till June 7, 2012.
June 7, 2012: The court finally admits the crime scene photographs as exhibits following the attachment of the negatives. The matter is adjourned till June 26, 2012.

June 27, 2012: The accused, Mr. Arowolo, slumps in the dock during trial. He is revived by prison officials and immediately taken outside the court room to take his drugs. Two police officers, Benson Ajie, an inspector, and Cletus Bayem, a sergeant, have earlier testified against the defendant during the proceedings. Mr. Ajie, who is of the Homicide Department, State CID, Panti, Yaba, and Mr. Bayem, an officer attached to the Aswani Police Station, both claim that the confessional statements made by Mr. Arowolo were obtained voluntarily. The judge adjourns the matter till June 28, 2012 following the defendant’s illness.

June 28, 2012: Mr. Arowolo arrives at the court room at about 8:45 a.m. with the assistance of a male prison official, and sits in the gallery with his head resting on a chair. His lawyer, Olarenwaju Ajanaku, tells the court that he is critically ill and cannot withstand the rigours of trial. The court adjourns the matter till September 24, 2012.

September 24, 2012: The trial judge, Mrs. Okunnu, threatens to issue a warrant of arrest against one of the prosecution witness, Mr. Bayem, who failed to appear in court. The court adjourns further hearing till September 28, 2012

September 28, 2012: Mr. Bayem appears in court to conclude his testimony. The prosecution also calls a commercial photographer, Julius Okolawon, to give his evidence. He tells the court that he took seven photographs of Mr. Arowolo at the Aswani Police Station. The photographs are admitted by the court as exhibits. The matter is adjourned till October 15, 2012.

October 15, 2012: A consultant pathologist, John Obafunwa, tells the court that Titilayo’s body was inflicted with 76 stab wounds. Mr. Obafunwa, the Chief Medical Examiner of Lagos State, says he conducted both external and internal examination of the body of the deceased during the autopsy. According to him, the final result of the autopsy revealed that the death was caused by multiple injuries in the chest and abdomen due to multiple sharp wounds and long force trauma. The court adjourns the trial till October 22, 2012.

Late Titi's Mutilated Hands

Late Titi's Mutilated Body

October 22, 2012: The trial is stalled following the absence of a representative of MTN Nigeria Ltd., which was subpoenaed, to give evidence in the case. The matter is adjourned till November 19, 2012.
November 19, 2012: Kingsley Ehebha, a staff of MTN appears before the court to testify. Mr. Ehebha, a fraud analyst at the company, produces Mr. Arowolo’s call records between June 1 and July 26, 2011. The call logs are admitted by the court as exhibits. The DPP announces closure of their case against the accused. The matter is adjourned till November 29, 2012.

November 29, 2012: The accused father, Mudasiru Arowolo, opens testimony for the defence, claiming that his son did not murder Titilayo as being alleged. He blames the trouble which rocked the Mr. Arowolo’s marriage on undue interference by Titilayo’s father and step-mother. According to him, the deceased had once threatened to kill her husband and herself during a quarrel, which happened when they visited him. The matter was adjourned till December 4, 2012.

December 4, 2012: The trial is stalled due to the absence of the accused mother, Bolanle Arowolo. The defence counsel, Mr. Ajanaku, says she is ill and apologises for her absence. The matter is adjourned till January 22, 2013.

January 22, 2013: The mother of the accused, Bolanle, testifies on behalf of her son who she describes as God-fearing. She says her late daughter-in-law was rude and troublesome, earning her the nickname, Margaret Thatcher. The witness also insists that her son is innocent of the crime. The court adjourns till January 29, 2013.

January 29, 2013: A defence witness, Efe Omordia, called to testify on behalf of Mr. Arowolo, describes him as a role model. The witness says she works with Joy Bringers International, a non-governmental organisation (NGO), involved in the counselling and rehabilitation of inmates. According to her, the accused had shown exemplary leadership qualities in the prison environment and is a member of the prison’s recreation, reformation and rehabilitation club in Ikoyi Prison. Two other witnesses, Eucharia Enofe and Taiwo Oyetola, also testify on behalf of the defence. The matter is adjourned till March 28, 2013.

March 28, 2013: Mr. Arowolo enters the witness box and begins the narration of his own side of the story. He tells the court that he got married to Titilayo on August 8, 2008 and the family was blessed with a baby girl few months after the marriage. According to him, ego and immaturity caused several problems between him and his wife and deprived them of marital bliss. The court adjourns the trial till May 22, 2013.

May 22, 2013: The accused continues his testimony, telling the court that he did not murder Titilayo. Mr. Arowolo says his in-laws were responsible for the trouble in his marriage to their daughter. He claims Titilayo died after accidentally falling on a knife she was using to stab him during a quarrel on the day of the incident which was his birthday. The matter is adjourned till September 17, 2013 for adoption of final written addresses.

September 17, 2013: The judge adjourns the adoption of the written addresses till October 2, 2013. She directed the prosecution and defence to file and serve the processes before the next adjournment date.
October 2, 2013: The judge imposes a N10, 000 fine on Mr. Arowolo’s counsel, Mr. Ajanaku, for wasting the time of the court. Mrs. Okunnu says Mr. Ajanaku’s failure to file and regularise the defence processes is a setback to the speedy conclusion of the case. She adjourns the matter till October 31, 2013.

October 31, 2013: Mrs. Okunnu grants Mr. Arowolo’s counsel, Mr. Ajanaku, an extension of time to file his written address. She adjourns the matter till December 4, 2013.
December 4, 2013: Both the prosecution and defence adopts their final written addresses.
December 19, 2013: Parties re-adopt their written addresses. The prosecution counsel, Ms. Ogungbesan, asks the court to convict Mr. Arowolo of the charge. She argues that the prosecution has proved its case against the accused beyond reasonable doubt. However, Mr. Ajanaku disagrees with the prosecution asking the court to discharge and acquit Mr. Arowolo. The judge, Mrs. Okunnu tells both parties that date of judgment will be communicated to them.
February 21, 2014: The judge finds Mr. Arowolo guilty of murder and sentences him to death. What we don't know is whether Arowolo will meet his Late wife after his death.


Source (NAN), Edited by Mary Ikoku

6 BEST PLACES FOR VALENTINE IN LAGOS

 

1. Sheraton Hotel (Ikeja):
Sheratol Hotel, located at 30 Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way, Ikeja, introduces what they call the Exotic Valentines Day offer. For the affordable rate of just N45,000, you can experience romance in an exotic atmosphere. This rate includes:
Sumptuous buffet breakfast for two at the crockpot restaurant.
Welcome drink upon arrival
A bottle of wine in your get-away room.
4pm late checkout based on availability.
20% discount on our F&B Valentine dinner at the crockpot restaurant.(only on the 14th of February valentine’s day.
Visit http://www.sheratonlagos.com to book now.

2. Viceroy Restaurant (Victoria Island):
Flowers and Chocolates are a romantic are a way to spend a romantic day with your loved one, but what better way to impress that person than with a Fairytale Night Of Dinner and Dancing at Viceroy Restaurant! Enjoy an eclectic Buffet Dinner with the finest Food, Premium Liquor and Wine, and a glass of exquisite Champagne.
Date: Friday, 14th Febuaury.
Venue: Viceroy Restaurant, 33 Akin Adesola Street, Victoria Island.
Price: All Inclusive- N15, 000 (couple) / N8, 000 for singles.
Call 07088619536 for reservation.

3. Radisson Blu
Impress your Valentine with the most exotic buffet menu put together by Chef Gary and his team: A Bottle of Moet et Chandon Champagn, a Rose for your love, take a picture with your val at the kissing booth, a violinist will serenade you throughout the night with your favorite tune.
Location: Ozumba Mbadiwe Avenue, Victoria Island
Phone: +234(0)1-461-0125
Website: http://www.radissonblu.com/hotel-lagos
Price: N30, 000 per couple

4. Federal Palace Hotel (Victoria Island)
Treat the love of your life to a special buffet dinner on the 14th of February at the Explorers Restaurant for only N10, 000 per person. You get a carafe of red wine per couple, 2 x $20 gaming vouchers valid for the Federal Palace Casino, and a free welcome drink on arrival. It’s strictly by reservation and pre-payment.
Location: No. 6-8 Ahmadu Bello Way, Victoria Island
Call +234(0)1-277-9000 for confirmation of reservation

5. Hotel Bon Voyage
We are in the Loving Mood here at Hotel Bon Voyage Night Out! Whether you want to Rekindle the Flame or Make a New Spark, there is something for everyone! It’s a great way to show your sweetheart, office staff, friends, and family just how much you love them.
Now that you’ve got the gift it is time to find the place to relax and set the mood.
Hotel Bon Voyage great Valentine-Day Ideas!
Venue: 57a A.J Marinho Drive Off Tony Anegbode Street, Victoria Island, Lagos. Nigeria.
Date: Feb. 14, 2013
Time: 6.00 pm
Ticket: 25,000

6. Saffron Restaurant and Bar (Victoria Island)
Come spend an amazing and unforgettable evening with your loved one at Saffron Restaurant and Bar Love Palates. Couples get an amazing set Valentine Special Menu for two under a romantic atmosphere.
Each special menu cost N12, 000 / N15, 000 (depending on your preferences). The menu include Continental or African dishes and a lucky lady might get to take home a Valentine gift courtesy of the restaurant.
Saffron Restaurant/Bar is located at Silverbird Galleria, 133, Ahmadu Bello Way, Victoria Island.
Call 07056287561, 08095135421 for reservations.