Are you in the habit of rushing to work and equally rushing home because there is so much to do both at home and at work? Ever went to bed tired ignoring so many things in the bedroom and kitchen needing your attention, only to be interrupted a few hours later by the sound from your alarm clock? Do you always leave the house with more chores needing your attention that you carry part of your makeup/shoes and scarves to the office to dress appropriately later? Do you sometimes wish you could be in two or three places all at once? Are you a mother that works? Because if you are, then you'll appreciate and understand why there is a need to talk about how hard each day is for this superwoman called the "working mom".
Working Moms Nigeria is an endeavors to help women strike a healthy balance between earning a living and maintaining a good home.

Dedicated to all the women who are juggling work and family. You too can be a part of this mind boggling experience by joining millions of ‘superheroes out there in sharing in their trails and travails. Welcome!!!

23 February 2011

Moms Please Get A Life: "All work and no play makes [Jane] a dull [girl]."

Five Steps To Creating Work-Life Balance
Forget dull! That's the least of your worries. Try irritable, stressed-out, depressed and anxious. All work and no play makes for some serious health and relationship troubles.
Take for example Chioma (not her real name), a 36-year-old Insurance Executive for a high-profile Telecommunications company in Lagos. She typically works 65 hours a week, which includes several hours nearly every weekend. Chioma loves her job. It's intellectually challenging, well paying and she likes most of her co-workers.
But the long hours have come at a cost. Her three-year marriage has become increasingly strained and she feels depressed much of the time.
Chioma's troubles are typical of many of the working parents I see: women (and men), mostly in their 20s and 30s, who have great difficulty striking a balance between meeting the demands of their professional lives and finding fulfillment in their personal lives.
And it's not just professional women who feel a lack of work-life balance. Many stay-at-home mothers feel the same sort of imbalance, the only difference being that their "office" is their home.
Regardless of the situation, overworked women often have similar symptoms: depression, anxiety, irritability and conflict or stress in their family or romantic relationships. The effects can be damaging and far-reaching: divorce, custody battles, substance abuse and health-related problems.
Often, work-life imbalance masquerades as depression, anxiety or marital discord. That's why I like to ask working moms how many hours a week they work and how many hours a week they spend doing social or fun activities. The discrepancy sometimes startles them, as it did with Chioma.
Two major warning signs involve a recent upsurge in irritability with significant others and a decrease in energy level at home. Sleep and appetite are often affected as well; weight gain is common, as is interrupted sleep.
For many women, a work-life imbalance can evolve gradually, and so the problem often isn't identified until it has reached near-crisis proportions.
How do you know if your work responsibilities start infringing on your well-being? Common warning signs of work-life imbalance include:

Bringing work home, working until very late at night and/or working on weekends 
Consistently canceling social plans due to work obligations or deadlines 
Depressed mood and/or low energy 
Poor sleep (including work-related dreams) 
Short fuse with significant other and/or children 
Change in appetite and weight 
It may start innocently enough. You take on a new client or project at work. Once your boss sees that you've smoothly handled that responsibility, he or she may ask for your assistance in future projects. Or if you're a stay-at-home mother, it may begin with volunteering for an event at your child's school, after which the staff may ask you to volunteer your time for other activities.
Before you realize it, you are routinely neglecting family and friends, and you are doing equally well at ignoring your own needs, like exercising, sleeping and connecting socially. In short, your work has taken over your life.
So, what to do to get it back? Fortunately, there are several simple techniques you can use.
1. Schedule social and personal time.

While it may seem like scheduling one more thing is contradictory to cutting back — particularly scheduling social or down time — carving out dedicated time may be the only way you actually do it. Just as you would do with a doctor's appointment, put social activities and personal time into your calendar; in pen, not pencil.
The point is to move from a general or vague idea to a specific, time-limited behavior.
To further stick to your planned schedule, it's important to tell others about these appointments, like a therapist, spouse or friend. If you tell it to someone else, it makes it all the more concrete.

2. Begin setting limits and boundaries with others.
Just because you're smart and ambitious, you don't have to volunteer for every new project or account at work. Remember, its quality, not quantity that you're after. So, if you're stretching yourself too thin, the quality of your work will likely suffer.
That's why it's important to give yourself permission to turn down new assignments.
To do this, practice assertive ways to say no. Like, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but with all of the other work I've got I don't think I have the time to devote to a project like that." Or, "Thank you for the offer, but I already have so much on my plate. When things slow down a little, I may be able to take on something new."
The point is to be assertive with your colleagues and bosses, which means being polite and respectful but firm in your denial. You may ruffle a few feathers but consider the alternative: consistently working evenings and weekends.
Being assertive also means paying close attention to your needs and taking them seriously. For example, remind yourself of the importance of your Wednesday night dinner with your spouse, or monthly club/association meeting. Do you really want to miss out on these things?

3. Ask for help.
At times, we all need some help from others. Contrary to what many people believe, asking others for help is not a sign of weakness but rather a mature and responsible approach to completing a task.
Too many women feel the burden of doing everything for everyone. A lot of women wind up doing a lot of things they don't really want to do. They don't ask others for help. Women take on the role of doing. A lot of mothers look at asking for help as a sign of weakness. You do all of these things, and your family begins to look at you as a superhero. People eventually treat us the way we portray ourselves.

4. Plan activities outside of the work day.
Your lunch break is an opportunity to enjoy some good food, socialize and, perhaps most importantly, temporarily change your environment. Take advantage by meeting a friend at a new restaurant or going for a walk.
Whatever you do, don't eat at your desk. This is not a healthy practice, physically or mentally. Go outside and get some fresh air. The work will be there when you return, and you will likely come back refreshed and recharged.
Plan vacations, even three-day weekends, way ahead of time. For example, start thinking how you want to spend your weekend or holiday leave. It's important to schedule trips so that you have fun things to look forward to. Otherwise, your time at work can seem endless.

5. Remind yourself of your values and priorities.
Finally, you may need to reassess your values and remind yourself of the things that are most important in your life.
You probably won't remember the Monday night you worked until 11pm, but you will fondly recall the weekend at the beach with friends or the cozy dinner at home with your partner. The extra money made by all the long hours at work is nice, but if you don't have the time or energy to enjoy it, it won't mean much.

15 February 2011

I Love You But I'm Not "In Love" With You Anymore

Has your spouse told you they weren't "in love" with you anymore? Well do I have news for you. The saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" is a worn out cliché. It's not possible to "fall out of love" because you weren't "in love" to begin with. The excuse "I'm not in love with you anymore" is nonsensical. Let me tell you why.

There is no such emotional condition as falling out of love; it's a justification for doing whatever you are planning on doing. It's a way to let your spouse down easy. What you're really feeling and should be saying is "I don't want to love you anymore". It usually means that the attitude towards your spouse and marriage is not what it once was. Perhaps you are talking yourself into having an affair or perhaps you have already had an affair.

The person who says "I'm not in love with you anymore" is searching for a feeling.
The marriage has stopped giving them a feeling they want and expect to have. It is an attitude that builds up after months and or years of a lifeless marriage - a marriage that has no intimacy. This is why quality time spent together (intimacy) is more important than sex in a marriage. Not that sex isn't important, because it is, but that sex IS NOT INTIMACY. Sex may be a part of intimacy but it is not the whole picture.

Intimacy can be as simple as playing a board game or planting seeds together in your garden; or intimacy can be as complex as working together in a business or getting involved in a hobby with your spouse. But couples aren't doing any of these things together anymore! They have drifted apart, each doing their own thing. When couples stop doing things together they lose the intimate bond between them they once shared when they were first married.
"I'm not in love with you anymore" actually means "I don't feel close to you anymore".

Couples NEED to have an intimate attachment with one another for marriage to be healthy. If couples aren't getting their intimate needs met in the marriage they are more apt to seek it from somewhere else. Ironically, they could be trying to bring back intimacy with their spouse but don't know where to start, or perhaps they feel resentful or angry about something their spouse did, and so they never try to get close again.

If couples do not have a bond of intimacy with each other it is inevitable the relationship will have major problems and one or both spouses will feel they aren't "in love" anymore. The good news is you can perk up your marriage and reawaken intimacy by spending quality time together. Do stuff together! Stop behaving as if "she has her life" and "he has his life". You both have your lives with each other!
Express yourselves in nice ways and be good listeners.

Be considerate and respectful of each other's feelings. Write down all the things you love about your spouse and put it under their pillow. Write down all the ways you can show your love. Be more willing to go the extra mile for your spouse. Be more loving and you will feel more loving!

Do not expect love to always feel like your first date; or the first time someone flirted with you; or that first puppy love feeling; or the way your coworker flirts with you. That's not love; that's desire and lust feelings. It's the euphoria of desire and emotions, which are fleeting moments. They are only temporary and mean nothing. They cannot fulfill your emotional holes.

What is lasting? What is lasting is the love you have for the person you married. Right now you have buried your love behind a wall of what you think love should feel like. Your attitude has literally controlled the way you think about your marriage and the person you married; the person you made a promise to love forever. I think its time you unbury that love, don't you?
Benson Julius

03 February 2011


Living in Nigeria makes you understand the vagaries of life especially  as mothers. I have visited a few families and friends in many countries of the world like; the US, the UK, Switzerland  even South Africa. But in all my visits to these countries, one thing they all have going for them is their effective use of modern day technology/house-helps.  I noticed that there is a maid for almost every of their house hold chores- A maid that washes clothes only (the Washing machine), one that dries the clothes (The Dryer),  one that washes the plates ( The Dish Washer) and the list goes on. 

The dynamism of technological innovations in the modern world has largely invaded the sphere of parenting which leaves the average Nigerian mom aspiring. From the inventions of the microwaves, the dish washers, washing machines, water heaters and the likes to child car seats, all in an effort to make life  a little easier for the working mom. The modern day working mom comes home from work, whatever the time, puts the frozen meals into the microwave, starts up the washing  machine, turns on the water heater and still has time to take care of other needs. The average Nigerian working mom on one hand misses out on some of these luxuries, and the un-enabling environment is largely the cause, with consistent power interruptions, power glitch and surges, the Nigerian mom is left out of this luxury no matter how hard she tries.

The activities of the average Nigerian working mom is second to none, she is the gem that knows it all, and can be the best at what she does, be a mom, as the modern technological innovations evolve, so does her uncanny ability to be that natural, caring, understanding, tough and exceptional friend and with the aid of a house help, who complement the working mom, but amidst all the jollies of the extra pair of hands, the house help can be quite a hand full  and can be more pain than pleasure, they can have very negative impacts on the working mom, sleeping with madams husband, speaking pidgin and foul languages which kids tend to pick up far too easily among a host of other negative effects. Do the maids have any positive side? If you ask me apart from helping out with chores et al, the maid could be a companion, your sister, or even confidant if you like. I know this will sound impossible to some women. But it is possible but we must get it right from day one. But the way and manner we recruit our maids matters a lot. Is the maid a professional, who ordinarily will know what is expected of her, or just one child who desperately wants to go to school but due to her parents inability to send her to school, she ends up in your home. Whatever is the story behind your own maid, try as much as possible to treat her well and with respect too. Having said that, the Nigerian mother has a lot lot more to deal with than her American counterpart. But is the Nigerian mom measuring up? The answer is a loud and resounding YES!
However, the Nigerian mom has a lot to consider while juggling between job, life and family even though she is highly accredited for her strength in dynamism, and tendency to always pull up surprises, she always finds a way of breaking new grounds and still be the worlds best mom. We are winning! Congratulations to every mom who is balancing it all!



I hope u enjoyed your time here. Was it an exciting ride for you?Are you a career woman, Stay-at-home mom or even a dad? I'm sure there was something here for you. Once again, thank you so much for visiting. Just before you go, kindly drop us a comment. Your feedbacks help us to serve you better!!


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