BUSY MOMS AND SPIRITUAL NURTURING

......Role of Parents in Spiritual Nurturing.

As busy parents we try to achieve in almost every part of our lives. But it does appear that most of us have placed the spiritual nurturing of our children in the back burner or even in the coolers. Sometimes when I look at the society we live in and the manner of values we have adopted, I wonder if we parents are really doing enough to lead our young ones aright. We should look inwards more and try as much as possible to nurture our kids, so they can grow to be good citizens of our dear country. The rate at which we are going, it will soon be difficult to differentiate our homely girls from the ones in the street because by dressing, they all look similar. Our boys pants are no longer on their waist but below and sometimes look as if they are falling off their waist. They call it sagging.(scheeew). Be you a Muslim, Christain, or Pagan Parent, there are good guides and teachings in our various religions towards child's nurturing. Let's bring back the values and teach them well, so they will not depart from the good teachings.

Out of many passages that refer to the spiritual nurturing of our children, the following two scriptures always particularly come to my mind:

Deuteronomy 4:9, “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

And

Deuteronomy 11:16 - 19, “Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them……Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; …Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Spiritual nurturing is living a transparent life of faith before our children. It includes allowing the children to participate as we practice our faith. The old adage that “actions speak louder than words” certainly pertains to parents as they nurture their children. Spiritual nurturing is intentionally modeling our faith with our children from the time they are born. There are minimally five major areas of participatory modeling that are very important.

First and foremost is worship. Worship is a privilege that we should enjoy personally as well as with our children. The enthusiasm that parents show toward worship is contagious! Preparing the children for worship is extremely important. A few suggestions would be: singing the hymns and praise music, playing worship music cds at home or in the car during the week; reading the scripture together before and after the service; discussing the sermon as a family; sharing with the children what the scripture and sermon mean to you personally and to how it will affect your life in the coming week. Children will catch the joy that their parents feel as they go to church, worship, and apply scriptural truths to their lives.

Secondly is prayer. As children hear and see their parents loving to pray, then they will also desire to pray. Some of the most beautiful prayers I have heard have come from the mouths of two year olds! Fortunate are the children whose parents pray consistently with them at home and give their children the opportunity to pray themselves. Valuable to their spiritual growth are prayers from the heart – talking intimately to God as their Father with praise and thanksgiving as well as expressing their supplications.

Thirdly is daily Bible/Quoran reading and devotions. From infancy, children should hear the scriptures read to them as well as Bible stories. All of the Great Commissions Publications Sunday School material has “take home” papers for the children two years and older. These papers are an excellent spring board for daily devotions. Devotions do not need to be long. A minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb. Also a good book to use for daily devotions is Training Hearts, Teaching Minds by Starr Meade.

A fourth very important way of sharing your faith with your children is to share the sorrows and joys of your every day walk with the Lord with them. As the children see you giving thanks and trusting Christ in all areas of your life, they will learn to see Christ working in their lives. When children see their parents depending on Christ in every area of their life, they will learn to do that as their parents help them to apply biblical truths to the events in their lives.

The choices you make are a fifth modeling opportunity. For instance, choices of going to the lake instead of church or choosing to ignore the times of fellowship with your church family in favor of watching television. (Please understand that you do not have to be at church every time the doors open, but being a part of the body does bring with it responsibility to serve and support the church family.) Another choice is to always be truthful instead of the “little white lie” that we use for convenience.

I like the quote from C.H. Spurgeon’s Spiritual Parenting, “Children must be fed. They must be well-fed, or instructed, because they are in danger of having their cravings perversely satisfied with error. The only way to keep chaff out of the child’s cup is to fill it brimful with good wheat. The more the young are taught, the better; it will keep them from being misled.”

We all need help as we spiritually nurture our children. Consider asking someone to come along side of you as a prayer partner as a support for you. Great blessings come from being obedient to God’s Word both for ourselves and the next generation.

So moms, over to you. Let's get it right by asking God to keep empowering and giving us the wisdom to nurture our children. As we do this together we will all be grateful for a better society.

WEEKEND JOLLY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?

My phone rings just about an hour to close of work and expectedly it was my friend La'vive another working mom.  She calls to find out if we could go out for a drink. She goes "Ou 'est, what's your plan for this evening, let's hang out". "Mba oh,  Viveman I'm not in the mood, Nne, I get plenty work for hand which I hope to tidy up this weekend".  Ou'est sef you too do. Why are you so hard on yourself ?... My dear I get project for hand! Mary it is Friday,  biko make we comot go catch fun jare. "Ok, Vive where are we rolling to? (phone goes off) .........She calls back... "Sorry the line went off, this MTN eh! na so so thief dem be (she hissed).  So Vive where we dey go?" Em! make we go 'The Place' or Ree Danielle, I enjoy the music from the live bands in both places.  (all of a sudden); abeg make we talk later, my husband is calling. She hung up.  See me, see trouble, If oga come get plans nko? Wetin woman pikin go come do? Now I'm back home from work and thought I should blog about 'today' a Friday and 'Weekend' too.  I know that I am not the only one having this challenge, there are other moms in my kind of shoes. 

Vivian and Myself  at the Auto lounge

Seriously I 'Thank God is Friday', the last day of the long business days, the beginning of weekend. I know that a whole lot of moms out there must have waited for the weekend honk, to alert them that they have yet another opportunity and time to themselves, and that we can actually have fun and live life to the fullest even though it’s all about drama and the fuss in playing our roles in the drama called life.  The weekend starter; Friday, reassures us of a moment of elated bliss and continuous leap of excitement born out of the thought and feeling that one is free at least from work and the hassles tied with it. But to a considerable whole like me, they don’t buy the idea or get the weekend honk either. In fact, most of us moms don’t have the ears to listen to honking TGIF. Perhaps, circumstances have twisted your programmes to run through normal business days and unto weekends like mine.  We are still saddled with the need to meet family needs,  a work load to tidy up and some businesses to catch up with or some unfinished stuff to take care of. Consequently, for these ones, there are NO weekend plans or timeout plans to relax and stay rejuvenated from their heavy 5-days job.     

WM Ask? 

What are Working Moms planning for the weekend and how do you MOMS intend to spend the weekend so as to ease off the stress and depression of the week and equally pave way for freshness, good health and happiness. 

How do you make it worth your while? 

WM Suggests:

Working moms irrespective of their work, career pursuits or the enormous family load and ‘troubles’, are expected to take a time out at times like this to relax and calm their nerves and also unwind to keep body and soul intact in order to reduce wrinkled faces, sadness, depression and worries and in turn have an assured good health and satisfaction.  It is often a good idea to engage in extra-curricular activities and stress-free activities in other to maintain good body and health fitness as this increases how we they are being appreciated and most importantly the span of life. Relaxation also helps the brain to cool off and this is medically important because major stress problems associated with the brain often times results to High Blood Pressure, which is common and some other brain-related issues which can be very disturbing and challenging. After the long hours of joggling work and family, it is advisable and medically true and rewarding to make out time from our busy schedules especially during weekends to ease ourselves off the stress that have accumulated during the long business days. 

Relaxing or unwinding takes different meanings with different moms. To many moms, weekend relaxation may include hanging out with friends in the cinemas or movies, partying, visiting friends in their homes, meeting up with relatives, and loved ones and so on but not really having a time for yourself to indulge. And to another, it could be taking a workout lesson in a gym or exercising at home to keep fit. Relaxation here varies among moms and to them once they engage in any of these activities, there is an unusual renewal and retouch made to them. Whichever way you choose to unwind, the thing is, whatever you do, that enhances your mood and instills happiness or joy, and also assures your health, makes a good relaxation or unwinding ingredient. Activities like taking a walk around your neighborhood, playing a game of tennis or volleyball or any other exercise. Funny at times simple things like having a gist session with friends that can amuse you, having a good laugh when someone says something funny, giving yourself a chance to explore on things that tickle your fancy, reading a fashion or celebrity magazine and criticizing them, and so on really helps. The reason for this is not far-fetched. It gives inner satisfaction and upgrades your intellect unconsciously because now you are giving yourself a chance to see life differently - You catch fun, exercise, meet and make new friends, spend more time with the kids and family, share ideas, explore topics and subjects different from your work-related issues, and also increase the strength of your relationship. 

Moms need to take note that the upcoming week will take a long work stride of about 4 days plus. Hence, they need to plan out the present week modules very carefully and well, so that they would not have any regrets or cases of ‘remnants of happiness’. From TGIF to OMG is Monday already!. Moms can draw up a weekend plan, mapping out and listing activities in order of preference and priority. This will help us to know how to go about our weekend, how the weekend ought to take its shape and how things should be done, what is up and what is being omitted and how to cover lapses and get anticipated satisfaction. 

WM strongly advice that moms should have a time totally separate from their very many tight schedules to give meticulous attention to themselves as well as engage in things that will make them massage the popular nursery quote, “All Work and No play makes jack a dull boy”. 

ALL HAIL OUR MOTHERS

A TRIBUTE TO OUR SOCIETY’S JEWELS

Quite a number of times, in my counseling sessions, I have proffered the following advice to married men experiencing stress in their marital relationship and trying to unload a plethora of complaints against their wives. “If you ever wish to forgive your wife virtually every perceived wrong done to you, then step into the labour room with her the next time she goes to have your baby. If you watch her go through the rigours and survive the dealth throes to bring your bundle of joy into the world, and you still cannot forgive her even her future sins, then you surely would be needing deliverance”.

You see, every time a woman steps into the labour room to have a baby, she is putting her very life on the line. Childbirth is not just the ultimate labour of love, but also the ultimate sacrifice. Childbirth actually comes as close to Calvary as any human blood ritual can get.

Because anything can happen in a Labour Room, woman who comes out of it alive is not only a champion athlete, but also a living miracle who must be celebrated, to the glory of the Almighty God.

Motherhood from day one is a tasking, energy-sapping, full time undertaking. Mothers of all categories, whether married or single, deserved appreciation, accolades and tributes from family, the immediate community and society at large. Traditional African society have recognized this truism for ages, which is why they celebrate childbirth with so much funfare.

The working mother-or more correctly, the extra-working mother, since motherhood per se is work – therefore deserve more than a double portion of whatever laurels are due to moms. The working mom is a precious metal. Precious, for all the obvious reason; and “metals” because  they are really strong and resilient. As metals working mothers are also vulnerable to the endemic corrosion and rustiness caused by the neglect, abuse, and overuse of a culpably ungrateful society. 

By Rev. G. O. D. Niger (Rev. Niger passed on September 2010 but he still lives in our mind) I miss him. A great man of God.

Macualey's Gay Church Is Reborn Amid A Climate Of Fear

House of Rainbow church offers underground prayer and preaching to Christians ostracised by rampant homophobia

•  
Wonders they say, shall never end! Who would have thought that the gay activists will start making religious demands so soon in our society. Nigerian nation frown seriously at the sound of that word gay or lesbianism. We do know that they exist amongst us but they are never proud to open up to people who are not in their category. What will make a man crave for a fellow man leaves  some of us puzzled. Wetin dey happen my people? Abeg, anyone that knows this Macauley should ask him to remain in the UK and never come back to 9ja. In fact make  him understand that "A home is where you have security, love, warmth, and all the basic needs provided for you" by this definition of home, I believe that UK is more home right now for him until Nigeria's ongoing transformation is in it's finished stage. He doesn't need to come back here at all! I came across this headline in guardian UK and feel it will be nice to share it. At least moms should take heed to monitor what and who our children associate themselves with. 

In Nigeria, religion is central to everyday life but many Christian churches exclude gay members. Photograph: David Levene for the Guardian

When Ade's aunt learned he was gay, the then 16-year-old Nigerian was made to go through an exorcism to expel "the demon of homosexuality".

"The priest came to the house with candles, holy water and anointing oils. I had to kneel down, holding candles in my hands," recalls Ade, now 25, as he sits in a cafe in Lagos. He does not wish to reveal his full name. "He kept shouting 'Come out! Come out! Come out!' in a fevered voice … I was allowed to go back to church after that but I had to pretend to be straight."

In a country where homosexuality is punishable by up to 14 years in prison, it is no surprise that many of Ade's friends – those who, like him, are both gay and religious – stay away from church altogether for fear of being outed.

However, an alternative could soon be at hand. Ade is helping to resurrect a religious refuge for himself and his friends. He is part of the team restarting House of Rainbow, the country's only gay church, which was forced to close in 2008 after a witch-hunt stirred by exposés in local newspapers.

The Rev Rowland Jide Macaulay, the gay minister who founded the church, is leading the comeback even though he remains in self-imposed exile in London.

"Religion is a backbone to life in Nigeria, so we all want to go to church," he says. "But we don't want to lie to God about who we are."

Macaulay first set up House of Rainbow in 2006, when he openly held Sunday services in a Lagos hotel hall decked out with rainbow flags. A public backlash culminated in members being beaten as they left church. Macaulay fled to the UK after death threats.

This year, he has recruited a small team that includes Ade as his local leader in Lagos. In his voluntary role, Ade started holding prayer sessions and Bible study groups at his house at the end of last month. A full church might be set up again if it is considered safe.

The project could even spread beyond the borders of Africa's most populous country. Macaulay has recently recruited a local leader in Accra, the capital of nearby Ghana. He is considering applications from Rwanda and Zimbabwe.

Religious groups are central to Nigeria's culture of homophobia. Pentecostalism, an evangelical school of Christianity thought to have started in America just over a century ago, has blossomed in southern Nigeria and across Africa in recent decades. The "megachurches" in and around Lagos can attract tens of thousands of worshippers to a single service.

Pentecostal pastors often see gay desire as the work of demons. "You might start casually but, once you get into it, you will be possessed by the spirit," says Emmanuel Owoyemi, a pastor in Lagos.

Meanwhile, in Nigeria's mostly Muslim north, 12 states have adopted sharia law over the last decade. Gay sex carries the death penalty under sharia, although no executions have yet taken place. A national anti-gay marriage bill, which pushes for jail sentences for anyone who even assists gay marriage, has been before Nigeria's parliament since 2009.

Being gay is regarded as an offence across much of Africa. Uganda's parliament continues to debate a proposed law that would introduce the death penalty in some cases. Malawi's president only pardoned a gay couple last year sentenced to 14 years in jail after an international outcry.

Apart from being on the wrong side of the law, many homosexual Nigerians say exclusion from church is one of the hardest parts of being gay.

"We are brought up to believe that you should belong to a religion. We feel that, if we don't go to church, God will not answer our prayers," says a young gay man in Abuja, Nigeria's capital. "When I recently told a friend I was having financial difficulties, he said, 'When did you last go to church?'"

In oil-rich Nigeria, where corruption robs many of even basic services, religious groups provide more than spiritual assistance. Muslim movements such as Izala have built schools in the north, while southern pentecostal groups such as the Redeemed Christian Church of God run universities. "[We] lose out on all these services," says the young man.

Some argue that African homophobia is slowly waning. Marc Epprecht, an expert on sexuality in Africa at Queen's University in Canada, says the continent's growing number of gay rights groups are challenging negative stereotypes.

He adds that despite the bad press it attracts, African homophobia is not markedly stronger than that of poor or patriarchal parts of the Middle East and South America.

Macaulay, however, is not taking any chances this time. Prayer sessions are being held in secret locations. No unknown newcomers are being admitted. He continues to preach via YouTube from London – he thinks it would be unwise to return home. "We have learnt our lesson," he says. "It is a hostile situation."

• Culled from UK Guardian

CHILDREN’S DAY MAKEOVER

CHILDREN, OUR PRIDE, OUR FUTURE!

Uche @ 5, adorned in a Nigerian outfit.

May 27th is a day set aside to celebrate our children. Children's Day Celebration provides an opportunity for reflection on the conditions of Nigerian children. The story hasn't quite changed so much from one of lamentation. The plight of the Nigerian Child is undesirable, and ultimately the non implementation of the Child Rights Act and the benefits therein. 
Children's Day in Nigeria is seemingly reserved as public holiday for children, and some children engage in lively activities which are considered as part of the characteristics of the day. A number of children go to various stadia to actively participate in parades and marches and listen to speeches of various leaders. In some cases, there are varieties of parties to choose from, with lots of food, drinks, merriments, dancing as well as games, as the case may be. 

I remember our childhood days, children's day afforded us the opportunity to engage in match past and traditional dances at our various stadia, we always looked forward to May 27th every year as well as October 1st our independent day celebration; this is hardly the case any more. In todays Nigeria the children are left for the parents to decide what level of fun activity to engage their kids with, therefore while the celebration bring laughter and joy to a section of people it brings tears and dismay to another section. Who are these people- Children of the affluent and the not so affluent! 

The rich folks can afford a roller coaster ride and a merry go round for their children. They will say, “let’s take a trip to the Bahamas, its Children’s Day!” They are those who feel delighted watching their children ride on a luxury horse with a candy stocked in mouth and a handy toy all at hand. A rich man will say “come on, throw away your Phone and have this Blackberry Touch”. Only a well-to-do man will do all of these.

On the contrary children from the other side of the divide may not even have the luxury of fun watching the various celebration on television but will hear words like stop watching TV and go help your mom in the kitchen on a children’s day! because the child is likely to watch other children on TV stations who are enjoying themselves by reason of the season. The child from this other divide will have to hawk bread on the street to gather money for fees, their parents will tell this children how ‘big men’ do all manner of terrible things to get money. He is full of sorrow, pain, anguish and confusion. He is not a happy man.

Some Nigerian children in the game of Punch Balls

These two kinds of people are easily seen in our communities today. Sometimes there are alterations or changes in the degree of wealth and the degree of poverty. But the case remains, there are two variables of sharp conflicting terms. You are either up or down. Perhaps, in the middle, the truth remains that there is a difference. Now, because of the social barrier and economic demarcation so many of the well-to-do clique separate themselves entirely from those less privileged because we think that they are of less class. However, it is very important to note here that the Children’s Day celebration is not a thing of sect. It is supposed to be an emancipation and networking of children of varying diversities, from bottom to top. The Children’s Day celebration should take a reflexive notion in that people who are self-sufficient should think about those that are not able to measure up. In other words, the haves and have nots are to be seen doing things together, sharing and celebrating love for themselves irrespective of all differences. Children’s day is supposed to be a day marked with a lot of activities for children. But the fact remains that only a section of the country’s children actually have an opportunity to celebrate their existence. Schools organize events and activities that their students thoroughly enjoy, but there is an entire populace of young ones that are left behind on this special day – the downtrodden street children. On this notion, we add, Instead of celebrating it with pomposity in schools and clubs and fun centers, why not bring a smile into the lives of children who are less privileged. While celebrating being a child, the fortunate ones should be reminded about their good fortune to have all that they are endowed with, while there are others who can barely feed or clothe themselves. Thus, while this day was instituted to provide children with basic Rights, maybe we can make a difference to a child’s life by doing something special. Parties and celebrations happen all the time, but how about taking the unfortunate children, the homes that shelter street children and have them befriend those kids, donating clothes, toys, stationery, books, etc. This will really create a lasting impression and show the true meaning of the children’s day and we believe this will go a long way in making this years children's day a remarkable one.

We urge those who are in a better economic and social positions to please, look out for those hungry kids on the street and even in ‘hidden’ places and show them some love instead of leaving them out to nurse their pain on a day they should be happy and celebrating with other children. You don’t have to give all you have or create a scene, make it simple, a little will go a long way to reassuring those children of a future for themselves. We do hope that you who is reading this will take a step towards achieving this goal.

WMN. 

ARNOLD/ MARIE MARRIAGE CRASH

Arnold and Marie

Working Moms Nigeria captures another scintillating, mind-boggling and yet disappointing story about a former movie star, ex-governor and body builder, Arnold Schwarzenegger who has been caught up in messy dung just less than a year after heading out of the California Governor's Mansion.  Movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver, who hails from the John F. Kennedy bloc, a journalist,  a  writer  and former first lady of the state of California have announced a dissolution of their 25 years old marriage.

The reasons the couple separated have been narrowed to a claim that has actually been admitted by Arnold himself who had an extra-marital affair with another woman. The affair translated to a son from the woman who had been allegedly eyeing Arnold for decades. The woman in question Mildred Patricia Baena, who goes by Patty Baena was a housekeeper/assistant for the family for 20-plus years. Her jobs included cleaning, laundry, cooking and other chores for Arnold and Maria Shriver. Patty had previously told friends that they'd have unprotected sex during the day at the house, where Patty Baena sometimes stayed overnight. And all the while no one caught them in the act. Sadly enough, when she became pregnant, she didn't tell Arnold he was the father. And unfortunately too, Arnold didn't learn he was the dad until the boy was a toddler, which would have been right around his first run for governor, or possibly after.  Mildred Patricia Baena, who made $1,200 per week, was treated well by Arnold before, and especially after he found out. Sources say he was "always generous”. The affair took place over a decade ago, and Patty Baena continued to work for the family until this year when the cat was unintentionally let out of the bag. Arnold confessed to his wife of 25 years that he fathered a child with the house-help around the same time that Maria was pregnant with their youngest son, Christopher, now 13. The heartbroken Shriver moved out of the family mansion into a Beverly Hills hotel, leaving the kids with their father in Brentwood. It's unclear why he told his wife, but the revelation apparently caused her to move out of the family's mansion abruptly. Shriver who had struggled with the death of her father Sargent Robert Shriver added in a statement: “This is a painful and heartbreaking time,” Shriver said in her first public acknowledgement of the family scandal since the former Governator, her husband dodged philandering rumors and later admitted paternity of the child to the Los Angeles Times. This is not quite a huge blow somehow on many who are aware and used to the rhythms of the Hollywood marriages and the meanderings coupled in it. How bad, this is yet another Hollywood marriage collapse.

Arnold, Marie and Children

WM Critics:  A quick look into the marriage ills suffered in the case of Arnold and Marie can be attributed to a whole lot of reasons but one out of all stands insurmountably erect. This is the aspect that the Working Moms Nigeria tends to give an outlook on: A telescopic evaluation of the marriage crash of the couple can be predicated on retarded responsiveness on the side of both couple especially the woman, and gross absentness  from the key roles and functions of a woman in her family. Irrespective of the career pursuits and personal targets of a mom, she is expected to pan her eyes always on her family issues meticulously. When work and ambition drags mom  away from home, the happenings in her immediate family unit becomes alienated to her in the sense that she becomes a novice to the things she should have had cognizance and also what she could have proffered solutions or remedy to in the first place. Marie nursed so many projects and ambitions which took her way out of home and divided her attention too. She was a woman whose public name and stature mattered very much. And of course an intelligent woman from the pedigree of the former US president, Kennedy, constantly sighted in spotlight thrilling her audience as wife of a movie star as well as the California First lady.  Perhaps her place in the family was sort of fragmented and a whole lot went into the ditch in an ironic short time of 25 years. 

Domestic Staff turned Baby mama, Baena

Critically, an effective working mom who has inculcated the working ingredients of a working mom and also imbibed the realistic purpose of marriage and saving marriage will hardly get entangled in a shocker as this. Marie was detached from her husband somehow that she was utterly clueless as to knowing about her husband’s misbehavior and change in attitude. Because there must be a lead however to help one discover some ‘shady dealings’ in your home or relationship and ones you are detached or shut out from your husband either emotionally or physically, you cannot place your guess and often times cannot even sense a dead rat.
The ultimate lesson therefore is clear and usually preached on the Working Moms blog. Moms have to allocate more and more time to family. Yes, you want to achieve your career aims, yes! But, a second thought will do one a pretty much favourable good because if Marie had done lots of second thoughts, perhaps she would have known that the household keeper had got a twist in the past last decade. Its such a long time to gather traces and combine bits to make the map of an idea which Marie never had. Apparently, for a decade plus she had been insensitive enough to know that her husband has a relationships with the cook of the house. Its ridiculously shameful for that Arnold who was in a position of trust will disrespect his wife to this point!  It is a sad event to me as a wife and mother. A mom sacrifices a lot to be everything to everyone but at the end, I ask myself, what really are we doing to ourselves. Is it best to just stay and work at home or work outside home? whichever way we go, Arnold will still be Arnold!

The bottom line is: 

•         Moms Should Allocate more quality time to their families.
•         Longstanding female staffs should attend family end of year parties with their kids "inspection"  
•          Make your family No1 on your priority list. 
•          Grease your relationship with your spouse
•         Enhance inter-personal rapport with your spouse
•         Conduct clandestine investigations within  and outside the spheres of your home to find out  things yourself, do not entertain gossip
•         Don’t get carried away by fame or fortune.
•         Call yourself to order and give yourself a timeline to return back home.

All these out of a striking lot are working ingredients deplorable to keep and nurture your home and marriage. My Advice to all married spouses: If You're thinking about doing something immoral, illegal, unethical, that will come back to haunt you, your family, your job etc. later...DON'T DO IT!!!

WMNG

2 Little Souls Plucked Out- Moms Should Take Heed!

To many it was a gory story, and to a whole lot of others it is a case of intriguing puzzle. Who solves the riddle of this nerve-wrecking and gruesome story- No track, No lead, No witness, as two lonely kids were found dead in their mom’s giant deep freezer. 

A great amount of folks out there haven't heard this horrible story of how a mom locked up her 2 little kids, Harrison 7 and Favour 5, both pupils of Community Day Care/Primary School, Agbor in Delta State. Oblivious of tragedy, this mom came back to meet a shocker: bodies of her children stocked up in her deep freezer, and her room floor painted with her own children’s blood. How tragic!

A trusted source (Vanguard Newspapers) had gathered on May 9, 2011 that the victims’ mother had allegedly locked up them up in her one-bedroom apartment and went to the market only to return to find the kids stone dead in her freezer. The woman who is a single parent said she suspects a  foul play, noting that blood was found trickling from both the mouth and nose of the children.  

According to her "when I returned from the slaughter, I went straight to where I kept the key to the house but to my surprise, the key was nowhere to be found". 

State Police Public Relations Officer, PPRO, Charles Muka told Vanguard, Sunday that  the police are investigating the matter and so far no arrest has been made; the woman in question locked her  kids inside (her apartment) and took the keys away" said Charles Muka.

It is certain that  the tragedy will be engraved in the mind of this woman, her relatives and concerned Nigerians who have been savouring the bitter taste of the news since its occurrence. Yes! One will ask this probing question; why on earth would a mom leave these two little kids at home alone? A whooping amount of people have asked questions over and over again and its not far from the frames of a rhetorical inquiry. Sadly, nobody is giving a succinct detail. It is quite painful that this single mom had left her two healthy kids alone without care, supervision nor help. Perhaps, it was a routine- an everyday practice. Ironically, some person will call it fate or nemesis that has caught up with her. But again, you cannot summarily submit that it was intentional.  Even though some would rather remain silent in matters like this.  The truth is that it was very wrong of this woman or any mother for that matter to have left her kids all alone to the hands of rebouncing echoes of their own voices in the house. Apparently this kids probably would have wailed, muffled or whimpered for help in their few last minutes. How excruciating! How distressing!

It's time moms became more conscientiously involved with their family. Children and their welfare are our  primary responsibility. The manner at which we moms neglect our children in pursuit of other stuffs like ambition and career MUST be trimmed.  We should be able to balance the two. What makes you a mom is your ability to give care and love to your kids irrespective of circumstances and boundaries. It is quite unfortunate that in this part of the world and other places in Africa, moms are trying hard to juggle between making a living and catering for the family. The economic situation has contributed in making more moms delve into a whole lot of things in order to make sure that the family bread is sustained. Realistically, this is one of the reasons things like this happen. But we believe that the reason you are a moms is nothing far-fetched from taking full responsibility of your kids, being around to nurture them as well as foster maximum care and support in all they do. Understanding why your kids do what they do and how you can proffer solutions to ills emanating from juvenile delinquency, youthful exuberance and so on is a crucial criteria that makes you a mom.

A super mom is that mom that is able to balance work, family and her inter-personal relationships. Even as she does other stuffs, she still spends quality time with her family. A real mom is nothing other than an emotional cover and pavilion her children have; deprive your child that closeness and motherly care and support, then be sure to entertain a myriad of distressing happenings and occurrences like the said mom who initiated the writing of this story. Moms should not be out of sight leaving little kids in the hands of fate to decide their premature destiny. A working mom is expected to have a qualified nanny in the home to take care of kids while she is away pursuing career, business, or meeting her other needs. It is advisable to have your kids watched over by trusted neighbors, friends or relatives instead of leaving them all alone. Leaving your kids to themselves is no option at all.

Agreeably, the single event of this mother of two is believed to have left indelible marks on the minds of moms all over Nigeria. This is a clarion call to all moms to stand up to their responsibility as mothers and firsthand caretakers of the priceless gifts of children. Literarily, the case of this mom whose kids were marred has seemingly presented itself as a tearful case study. Moms out there who are wise and would not want to be blamed or weep almost forever would quickly imbibe the ‘little’ advise given here and use it as a guide. We do hope that a tragic happening of this sort does not happen again. Moms please take heed.

MOMFIDENCE- HAVE YOU ZABBED ENOUGH?

 If the latest "breakthrough" child-development theory, parenting technique, or child-appropriate diet makes you worry or groan (or just want to lie down for a nap), it's time to make way for Momfidence! A concept coined to highlight just a few powerful working ideology attributed to working moms. It is pretty important for moms to have a good dose of  'Momfidence'  especially in her quest to keep family and work at harmonious equilibrium. 

You should have to be that priceless mom who knows just almost everything to do in any giving situation; taking control over her business and career, ensuring a healthy children who have a hamonius bond with you, merging home and work into priority list but putting home in the first and second in line before another. Momfidence involves nothing more complicated than, taking giant strides, being that talked about sweet mom, trusting your instincts, using common sense, and above all, hanging on to your humor.

Momfidence! is:
 

 * Using "perfect" only to describe such wonders as a ripe peach, a cloudless day at the beach, or a husband who does diapers and dinner. . . It has no application whatsoever in describing motherhood.
 

* Recognizing that there are appropriate times and places for lying, yelling, threatening, and saying "I told you so"
 

* Sending yourself to time-out-preferably with chocolate and/or your spouse and allocating quality to to your kids because they deserve it.
 

 * Being completely amnesiac about the day's exasperating transgressions when you peek in your children's bedrooms at night and watch them sleep.

How much Momfidence have you got to play that prominent and strategic role in the mom's scene?

How A Working Mom Can Spend More Time With Her Kids.

BY: Mary J.


As thousands of working mothers strive to help provide for the needs of their family, they are faced with all the household responsibilities too. And most importantly -- spending time with their kids.

It has been a proven fact that children who have been with mother through their young years generally develop emotional strength. The ability to face life's challenges with self confidence and understanding are far greater.

You compare this to a child that has been tended at a day care, or just left at home with an older sibling, it is very plain to see they lack the needed emotional strength that a mother naturally develops in her child as he or she grows.

The security of knowing mom is right there when you need her is vital to the security of a child. And when mom is not there - which happens when mother must go to work, it has more of an impact on the child than we know.

Now, I am not a professional in child development, but just state these facts as part of my own experience

Of necessity I am a working mother like many of you, yet I want to be there for my little girl. So I have done several things to help keep that connection open. Here are a few ideas for you:

1. If you must have them tended - use a relative

2. Get a cell phone for you and your child (if they are old enough)

3. Call multiple time in a day - talk right to your child

4. Bring little things home to your child

5. When you get home, spend quality time with your child

These are just a few things I have found help enormously. Calling and checking up on them through the day helps them to feel like you care. Have your kids do project to show you when you come home. When you are with them after work show a genuine interest in their school work, the projects they are doing, etc.

Yes, we moms also have other things to do at home like making meals, washing laundry, house cleaning, etc, etc. The list could go on forever. Most of us can't afford to spend money on housecleaning or maid service, so here are some things that might help streamline the home duties so you can put more time in with your kids:

1. Make fast, nutritious meals

2. Wash laundry more often and do it at night when the kids are asleep

3. Learn to clean up after yourself - this keeps the house clean

I hope you working mothers will find some useful information here and I hope the best for you and your family

BLACKBERRY MADNESS-A DIGITAL SLAVERY.

  Official Calls and Emails After Work Annoy Women More than Men.

Blackberry Phone

Mary ping me when you are done with your meeting…. Said my friend and professional collegue Sarah;

Haba Sarah, are you learning how to talk? Which one be ping you, abi you don turn to ping pong?

Ha ha ha! Mary, are you for real! You mean you don’t know about backberry ping, that reminds me, I don’t even have your pin; please what is your BB pin?

"Abeg Sarah leave me alone" I said. At the end of our conversation I started craving for a blackberry. I wanted to own one but didn’t want to buy it, I just wanted a gift of a Blackberry. Ask and it shall be given, in my case I was saying it out loud that someone should give me a Blackberry and behold my friend Okung, promised me a Blackberry. I was so thrilled at this and the very next week when I travelled to the UK , I quickly shopped for Blackberry pouches. When I got back to 9ja, I called my friend Okung to inform him that I have bought six different colours of BB pouches, for the BB he promised me. He then asked me; Which of the pouches did you buy?

….. see me see trouble; Okung BB na BB oh! which one you dey sef - I thought Blackberry has just a single phone type. My friend had a good laugh and said to me, the BB I have for you is the curve 3 it is not yet in the market but my friend in Dubai will send it down – oh boy; my BB arrived a few weeks ago and I have a curve 3 BB phone and Bold 2 BB pouches. The next thing on mind mind at the time was to buy a Bold 2 but right now, I feel like throwing away this curve. Infact At this point, I feel like I deserved a big, big raise for even allowing the BlackBerry into my home. What I couldn’t understand is why some of my collegues weren’t in such a fuss. I don’t want any additional BB, because the one I have can be huge distraction sometimes, especially when I’m off work and at home with my family.

Now as I read through a study published in the March issue of the Journal of Health and social behaviours , I feel it may have something to do with my being a woman. According to research conducted at the University of Toronto, women feel much more burdened than men when contacted about work outside of normal business hours. Looks like that proverbial ceiling just got reinforced with double-pane glass.

The researchers surveyed more than 1,000 Americans to find out how often they were contacted outside of the office via e-mail, phone or text for work-related matters. As expected, they found that women who were contacted frequently reported higher levels of psychological distress than women who were not at their job’s beck and call. However, men who found themselves tied to their phones, BlackBerrys or laptops after work did not display the same amount of distress that women did, even though the men were more likely to be in touch with supervisors, clients and coworkers outside of the office.

Psychological distress is the scientific term for the effects of emotional pain, stress and mental conflict. Researchers measured distress in their study by asking participants how often they had trouble concentrating, felt like they couldn’t get motivated, felt tired or run down or felt like everything was an effort. In a nutshell, psychological distress is that feeling of being utterly overwhelmed, exhausted and worn down. Not such a great state for doing well at work or for feeling good outside of it

The more often work interfered with family and other important relationships, the more distress women felt. However, it wasn’t because they couldn’t manage all of their responsibilities. The study found that women could juggle their work and family lives just as well as men could. The reason women felt more put out is guilt. Even though women are just as much a part of the workforce as men these days, they still feel a stronger responsibility to tend to the home front, say the study’s researchers. This can make women feel like they’re not doing a good-enough job if they allow work to intrude on family time. It’s less about the logistics and more about emotional connotations of letting work seep into the home.

Maybe you can’t turn off your BlackBerry, but there are ways to keep work from impinging on your personal life. For instance, how you spend your weekends can greatly determine how you feel about work come Monday morning, and how well you do your job. If you feel like your job is sucking the life out of you, find out how you can climbing to the top (or just get throughthe workweek) without sacrificing your sanity.

CAN MOM EAT HER CAKE AND HAVE IT?

"A mother's work is never done" (sigh). Just when you think you're through, you find you've only just begun. You aren’t the only one!

By  Mary Ikoku

Being a mother of four boys taught me to make choices in my life routine. Sometimes I want to be everything to everyone of them including my husband. But increasingly I have come to terms with the obvious truth; I can only be all  of it but I will end up as a 'stressed-out' Mom instead of a healthy and fulfilled mom to myself and my family. What is the kernel of my gist today, It is about balancing work and family. In my close to 10 years of marriage and 8 years of being a mom, I have made sacrifices, plans and counter plans to maintain a good balance. The plan I am about to share with you worked best for me while I worked from my home. Sometimes the pressure of balancing your work and parenting  can ultimately lead you to giving both your work and family less than they deserve, I believe it's time we find a new parenting strategy that will help you balance the pressures of both work and family. As a work from home mother, you can decide after reading this  to start setting  clear boundaries and managing your time effectively. By doing this,  you can dramatically reduce parenting stress as well as boost your parenting joy. So let’s get started.

Your happiness as a work at home mother depends on your commitment to following the parenting time management tips below:

Open door policy Banned!

I started my PR company from my home, I got very good clients whose accounts I still manage while working from home. How did I achieve?  I set my work hours and stick to those hrs. Unless your job requires you to answer the phone, answer it only on your schedule. A work at home mom has no time for distractions (especially from your kids and spouse—likely your biggest distractions). This only leads to low productivity. Make certain every member of your household knows the times of day when you are and are not available for interruptions, and stick with this schedule.

Family Involvement In What You do:

 Talk about what you do, ask your family to help solve work problems (children often find very creative solutions), and let them help you with small jobs like licking envelopes. Mrs. Ekundayo a work at home mom I know once asked her nine year old daughter to answer the business telephone when the receptionist called she was bereaved and wont be at work, on one of their biggest sales days. This boosted her daughter's self-esteem and also helped her appreciate how her mother's work put a roof over her head, food in her mouth and clothes on her back. 

N/B Make sure you know the strength of your child before you ask him/her to take your business call, some children are all-ready to play the worker role but some aren't. I didn't experiment this with my boys because I had to remind them most of the time to speak while on the phone. One of my sons will nod his head as a response to a question during  a telephone conversation! If you send such one to take a business call,  you can be sure that your client  receives deep silence as response to his inquiries.. Adapt Mrs. Ekundayo's style, only if you are sure of your child's ability to pull it off.

Don't Forget it's about quality time, not quantity time. 

When you are with your family, be with your family. Leave work behind so you can focus on them. "Light up" as soon as they come into the room and find fun ways to do mealtimes, and even clean-up times together. Half an hour of positive can prevent dozens of hours of misbehavior.

Consciously make the transition from work to home:

When it is family time, focus on the family. Make certain you have cleared the work cobwebs from your head. Write down your to-do list for the next day and ask yourself before you leave your desk, "How can I make my time with my family special?" Then smile and give them a hug when you see them. Too tired? Take a 20 minute nap, a quick walk, meditate for a short while or say a little prayer to let go of your day, so you can be all they deserve you to be.

Solve misbehavior time-wasters. 

I regularly hear variations on the complaint, "My kids are driving me crazy, but I'm too crazy to find time to learn how to stop them from driving me crazy." There are simple ways to motivate your children to want to be well behaved. Invest the time now, so you don't spend more time and frustration later on (which of course takes away from time you can devote to your work).

You Must devote time to Care for Your Self. 

The most critical key to your success as a career climbing mom or working at home mom is to nurture some of your needs so you can continually renew your passion for parenting. You need time to replenish your energy so you can be more efficient, productive and happy. With so much on your plate it is essential that you schedule a minimum of 20 minutes a day for your self. Before or after the kids are in bed is generally the easiest to stick with.

By the way, if putting your self-care needs first makes you feel guilty and selfish, then don't do it for you—do it for your family. It is time that caring for yourself  became a necessity, not a luxury so you can give more to all you do—at both work and home. Remember that if you are emotionally and physically healthy, you will be able to give more quality time to your family.

I hope this time-management tips above will allow even the busiest work at home mom to finally have her cake and eat it too. By successfully balancing work and family, you will model for your children a fulfilled and healthy woman and your family will no longer have to deal with a "burnout-mom" but a happy one!

Moms Please Get A Life: "All work and no play makes [Jane] a dull [girl]."

Five Steps To Creating Work-Life Balance

Forget dull! That's the least of your worries. Try irritable, stressed-out, depressed and anxious. All work and no play makes for some serious health and relationship troubles.

Take for example Chioma (not her real name), a 36-year-old Insurance Executive for a high-profile Telecommunications company in Lagos. She typically works 65 hours a week, which includes several hours nearly every weekend. Chioma loves her job. It's intellectually challenging, well paying and she likes most of her co-workers.

But the long hours have come at a cost. Her three-year marriage has become increasingly strained and she feels depressed much of the time.

Chioma's troubles are typical of many of the working parents I see: women (and men), mostly in their 20s and 30s, who have great difficulty striking a balance between meeting the demands of their professional lives and finding fulfillment in their personal lives.

And it's not just professional women who feel a lack of work-life balance. Many stay-at-home mothers feel the same sort of imbalance, the only difference being that their "office" is their home.

Regardless of the situation, overworked women often have similar symptoms: depression, anxiety, irritability and conflict or stress in their family or romantic relationships. The effects can be damaging and far-reaching: divorce, custody battles, substance abuse and health-related problems.

Often, work-life imbalance masquerades as depression, anxiety or marital discord. That's why I like to ask working moms how many hours a week they work and how many hours a week they spend doing social or fun activities. The discrepancy sometimes startles them, as it did with Chioma.

Two major warning signs involve a recent upsurge in irritability with significant others and a decrease in energy level at home. Sleep and appetite are often affected as well; weight gain is common, as is interrupted sleep.

For many women, a work-life imbalance can evolve gradually, and so the problem often isn't identified until it has reached near-crisis proportions.

How do you know if your work responsibilities start infringing on your well-being? Common warning signs of work-life imbalance include:

Bringing work home, working until very late at night and/or working on weekends 

Consistently canceling social plans due to work obligations or deadlines 

Depressed mood and/or low energy 

Poor sleep (including work-related dreams) 

Short fuse with significant other and/or children 

Change in appetite and weight 

It may start innocently enough. You take on a new client or project at work. Once your boss sees that you've smoothly handled that responsibility, he or she may ask for your assistance in future projects. Or if you're a stay-at-home mother, it may begin with volunteering for an event at your child's school, after which the staff may ask you to volunteer your time for other activities.

Before you realize it, you are routinely neglecting family and friends, and you are doing equally well at ignoring your own needs, like exercising, sleeping and connecting socially. In short, your work has taken over your life.

So, what to do to get it back? Fortunately, there are several simple techniques you can use.

1. Schedule social and personal time.


While it may seem like scheduling one more thing is contradictory to cutting back — particularly scheduling social or down time — carving out dedicated time may be the only way you actually do it. Just as you would do with a doctor's appointment, put social activities and personal time into your calendar; in pen, not pencil.

The point is to move from a general or vague idea to a specific, time-limited behavior.

To further stick to your planned schedule, it's important to tell others about these appointments, like a therapist, spouse or friend. If you tell it to someone else, it makes it all the more concrete.

2. Begin setting limits and boundaries with others.
Just because you're smart and ambitious, you don't have to volunteer for every new project or account at work. Remember, its quality, not quantity that you're after. So, if you're stretching yourself too thin, the quality of your work will likely suffer.

That's why it's important to give yourself permission to turn down new assignments.

To do this, practice assertive ways to say no. Like, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but with all of the other work I've got I don't think I have the time to devote to a project like that." Or, "Thank you for the offer, but I already have so much on my plate. When things slow down a little, I may be able to take on something new."

The point is to be assertive with your colleagues and bosses, which means being polite and respectful but firm in your denial. You may ruffle a few feathers but consider the alternative: consistently working evenings and weekends.

Being assertive also means paying close attention to your needs and taking them seriously. For example, remind yourself of the importance of your Wednesday night dinner with your spouse, or monthly club/association meeting. Do you really want to miss out on these things?

3. Ask for help.
At times, we all need some help from others. Contrary to what many people believe, asking others for help is not a sign of weakness but rather a mature and responsible approach to completing a task.

Too many women feel the burden of doing everything for everyone. A lot of women wind up doing a lot of things they don't really want to do. They don't ask others for help. Women take on the role of doing. A lot of mothers look at asking for help as a sign of weakness. You do all of these things, and your family begins to look at you as a superhero. People eventually treat us the way we portray ourselves.

4. Plan activities outside of the work day.
Your lunch break is an opportunity to enjoy some good food, socialize and, perhaps most importantly, temporarily change your environment. Take advantage by meeting a friend at a new restaurant or going for a walk.

Whatever you do, don't eat at your desk. This is not a healthy practice, physically or mentally. Go outside and get some fresh air. The work will be there when you return, and you will likely come back refreshed and recharged.

Plan vacations, even three-day weekends, way ahead of time. For example, start thinking how you want to spend your weekend or holiday leave. It's important to schedule trips so that you have fun things to look forward to. Otherwise, your time at work can seem endless.

5. Remind yourself of your values and priorities.
Finally, you may need to reassess your values and remind yourself of the things that are most important in your life.

You probably won't remember the Monday night you worked until 11pm, but you will fondly recall the weekend at the beach with friends or the cozy dinner at home with your partner. The extra money made by all the long hours at work is nice, but if you don't have the time or energy to enjoy it, it won't mean much.